faith

i've been blocked for over a week now. unable to write, until today that is, until i finally admitted to myself that i'm stuck.

just now i was reading the world news (shocking i know), about nepal. there is a boy there that has been meditating for over six months now. some believe him to be the reincarnation of Buddha. but that's not what spurred me to write.

i haven't had the desire to sit down and do this...feelings and thoughts this past week that i'd rather not remember. self-doubt, dwelling on things that seem to take over at this time of year. well, that and i've been fucking sick!

today i saw this picture of a girl. she is a nepalese maoist guerrilla fighter. i think she is beautiful. i can't tell her age, somewhere between 20 and 30. with tired eyes, worry shown on her face, and it all may have aged her before her time.

as i look at her in this moment that has been captured, i can't imagine the faith she must have in what she is doing. i have never believed in anything so much as to imagine risking death. and sometimes, in the dark quiet hours, i forget what it is that i have ever believed in.




'i believe in nothing, everything is sacred. i believe in everything, nothing is sacred.' -tom robbins