and frank was playing in the background

so last weekend it was new york, this weekend it was vermont. (i guess opposites do attract…at least in this case. new york brings out the raging city girl in me, head spinning, moving fast thru the moment. vermont, well, i’ve lived there once and when i go back to visit, i get to revel in the quiet stillness of the mountains. i guess i’m just destined to have the in-between of suburbia…what?!) technically we were in a little town just over the border of vermont in walpole, new hampshire, but who really cares anyway? the point is that we had a wedding to attend, an old friend of catfish’s.

i like most of catfish’s old friends. they are good boys that accepted me into their little family the minute they met me…some i met years ago, some only in the last year…simply because i was catfish’s woman.

the wedding was to be held at 4pm, in an apple orchard at the top of a mountain. the view was spectacular as it was the beginning of sunset, and the low hanging sun gave off that late afternoon heat that warms you from the inside. it was a beautiful, clear day with a slight breeze that let you smell the crisp of fall coming in with the evening air.



there was a restaurant connected to the orchard where the reception was to be held. people were milling around, hugging those they hadn’t seen in awhile, drinking. this is when i had my first drink. (this is important, remember this.) i went out to the back patio for a cigarette and this is where i found gus and catfish chatting it up.

it was time to toast, so we made our way back to our table. we were seated at table 13. if you think this is a coincidence, you are wrong. and all of us seated there couldn’t help but remark at the satirical humor of debo and his new bride. this is when i had my second drink. (remember this too, there is a point to all of this keeping track stuff.)

gus was the best man at my wedding. he has since adopted me as his little sister, which is weird because i’m older than he is, but whatever. he is rowdy and funny and always has a smile, always makes you laugh and tends to be a fantastic person to spend time with.

at some point after we had finished dinner we went to mingle and smoke on the deck. this is where i would have my third and final drink. (the number three being key here.) there was a moment in time, and i couldn’t tell you what the context was right now, but my hand ended up on gus’s ass. and i think there may have been some reciprocal ass grabbing…and then it just all got out of hand with me grabbing guys asses, guys grabbing guys asses, all in an effort to determine who’s ass was the best. i deemed the groom the winner, after all, he was the groom and this was kind of his night. but coming in a close second was cray. (really it was cray that won, but we don’t need to tell debo.) and gus, poor gus, he just didn’t have an ass to grab!

it was directly after this mini-scene that i leaned against catfish and was about ready for some sleeping. i have no idea what happened next, except that i woke up at around 3am, at catfish’s parents, tucked into bed. i found out the next morning that it was exactly 8:15pm when catfish helped me stumbled out to the car so i could pass out…catfish went back in and hung out until well after midnight, and good for him for doing that. he told me the next day that he hated to be mean but he was glad that i had passed out because i was about to go over the edge of reason…frankly, i’m glad i passed out too!

the next morning when i woke up, i found my clothes in a pile on the floor. laying suspiciously close to my bra were a few folded dollars and a cow….so, where did the cow come from? (troy you sick fuck.)

i felt a little better when i found out i wasn’t the only wife that night to make an early exit…women and vodka tonics, predictable i know.