still miss you

i still miss him, everyday. everyday.


every now and then, i think i see him out of the corner of my eye...but it's usually just a shadow. i still miss his smell, his sweet baby boy smell. when i would come home and he would meet me at the door, i would nuzzle my nose deep into the scruff of his neck...he smelled like home. he was my home for as long as he was alive...moving across the country and back again, he was the only constant in my life and as long as he was with me, i knew i was never alone. when i'm sad i still cry that he isn't here to tuck his nose under my chin, looking me in the eye and running his cheek against my cheek...so i would know i was loved, even when i wasn't feeling very lovable.


baby girl has asked more than once for a new cat...she also has requested a dog a time or two. but every once in awhile she says his name. she tells a story about how he always liked to play with her when she was (fill in the blank here). they were friends. they had always been friends, since the first time they met. while i know that she has been long past ready for a new kitten, i just haven't been able to bring myself to do it again.


i still miss you, everyday. everyday.