pages of my life

scribbling, scrawling, scratching it down...these are the pages of my life. writing it down so i don't forget. but i will someday, forget that is.

i only look back when i'm trying to move forward.

faith

i've been blocked for over a week now. unable to write, until today that is, until i finally admitted to myself that i'm stuck.

just now i was reading the world news (shocking i know), about nepal. there is a boy there that has been meditating for over six months now. some believe him to be the reincarnation of Buddha. but that's not what spurred me to write.

i haven't had the desire to sit down and do this...feelings and thoughts this past week that i'd rather not remember. self-doubt, dwelling on things that seem to take over at this time of year. well, that and i've been fucking sick!

today i saw this picture of a girl. she is a nepalese maoist guerrilla fighter. i think she is beautiful. i can't tell her age, somewhere between 20 and 30. with tired eyes, worry shown on her face, and it all may have aged her before her time.

as i look at her in this moment that has been captured, i can't imagine the faith she must have in what she is doing. i have never believed in anything so much as to imagine risking death. and sometimes, in the dark quiet hours, i forget what it is that i have ever believed in.




'i believe in nothing, everything is sacred. i believe in everything, nothing is sacred.' -tom robbins

blocked

i hit a wall last night.

and today...i've got nothing left.

nuff' said?

yup.

not your average day...

my horoscope today was foretelling...words have been a powerful influence today. it reads:

"There is a special power to your words today, lyza jane, and an internal confidence that rarely comes around this strongly. You should be noticing a strength to your emotions and your basic personality. Take this opportunity to get one step ahead in the game. You have a special influence that cannot be matched by anyone today, so don't let others convince you of anything that you aren't one hundred percent sure of yourself."


to all you nay sayers of the day...go fuck yourself!

words i live by

...you need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star... Nietzche

disintegration

a gentle breeze blows in from the east, the winds of the Sahara. she has stood, frozen in time. but as the winds pick up, a sand storm erupts. the beads of time blowing in her direction, causing tiny, microscopic tears in the facade that she has created. fragments of her now missing, taken apart by the subtle destructive powers of the dusty air. someday she too will move with the gale. when the grains of the earth have penetrated her exterior, causing her soul to become porous, taking her apart piece by piece, until she is no more.