Emo afternoon

i feel so Emo today. just got out of the shower. long, hot, with lavender body wash. relaxing afternoon. brushing my teeth today was heavenly refreshing. my wet hair, combed and tucked behind my ears - so punk. no make up. just some carmex on my lips - love that smell...reminds me of smoking outside and cold winter kisses. lotion of choice is ginger souffle. also heavenly, refreshing, smooth, relaxing. when i wear it i pull at the collar of my shirt all day so i can be reminded of that calm.

wearing an oversized boys Gap baseball t-shirt. heather grey with navy blue sleeves. with my mid-rise, boot cut dark blue jeans. and my oversized tan comfy shoes. they have been called clogs by some - but they are simply my comfy shoes.

it's an Emo kinda day and i feel so Betty.

saturday night special

so i finally finished a book. it has been a long time since i've been able to sit down and actually finish a whole book! nice...

i had never before read the godfather (mario puzo). i had heard of it's greatness...seen the movies. but never actually read the book. there were moments i enjoyed more than others, but the overall feeling the book left was epic. moments i enjoyed:

'...his oft-repeated belief that every man has but one destiny...'

'...he found himself standing, his heart pounding in his chest; he felt a little dizzy. the blood surging through his body, through all its extremities and pounding against the tips of his fingers, the tips of his toes. all the perfumes of the island came rushing in on the wind, orange, lemon blossoms, grapes, flowers. it seemed as if his body had sprung away from him out of himself...' '...both men laughed. calo, his honest face filled with the utmost seriousness, said, "you can't hide the thunderbolt. when it hits you, everybody can see it. Christ, man, don't be ashamed of it, some men pray for the thunderbolt. you're a lucky fellow."...'

'...yet, he thought, if i can die saying, "life is so beautiful," then nothing else is important. if i can believe in myself that much, nothing else matters...'


theme music for the day:
it was all about the hair bands, from night raider singing sister christian to the blue oyster cult singing burnin for you. it was mixed with a little bit of silver tide singing blue jeans and dare i say there was some journey involved...shhh keep that one between you and me, i won't admit to the journey thing but every so often. the day is winding down with bluegrass...a little banjo and some fiddle to keep me warm tonight.

thank you mullet man!

thank you for being you as i drove by you today on my way home...i saw you out of the corner of my eye, walking down the sidewalk, and i had to slow down. you with that swagger, those huge sunglasses from the early 90's...the ones that have the rainbow mirror tint and come down onto your cheeks and practically wrap around your entire head! and that hair, you have to have attitude to pull off that hair...long and straight in the back, feathered in the front. the whole thing moving with the wind, and what a windy day it was today...i guess aquanet is our friend! and was that a comb i saw poking out of your back pocket?

i laughed so hard that i cried...i almost had to pull the car over. if i would have had to pee at that moment, i would have peed my pants. thank God for the little things! it made me think of driving down main street in galipolis. for those of you not from ohio, galipolis is a speck on the map in the south eastern corner of the state...and it is trailer trash heaven! main street is nothing but trailer dealership after trailer dealership. i didn't think it was ever possible to fit so many trailers in one place, nor did i think that there would ever be a call so big that the entire main street of a town would be lined with them.

in the summer, people come out in droves to walk thru the trailers...looking to see what's new and improved. in their jacked up broncos, 1980's suburbans, out for a poke on the harley...all with the wife beater or no shirt at all, and hair...oh that hair, long and flowing in the wind. thank you mullet man, i needed that!

all i wanted

a good smoke. a good fuck. a full pack of cigarettes. coffee in the morning.

a walk in the park at night. clear sky. cool evening. jeans. hoodie sweatshirt. and a pair of comfy shoes. swinging in the dark. kicking toward the stars. my comfy shoes in a pile on the ground below my feet.

a bench. good conversation. cup of coffee. and a cigarette. an old man sitting on the bench to my left. baseball hat on. waiting. he turns and smiles. people walking by. my comfy shoes tucked under the bench.

poetry in motion

happiness

a state you must dare not enter
with hopes of staying,
quicksand in the marshes, and all

the roads leading to a castle
that doesn’t exist.
but there it is, as promised,

with it’s perfect bridge above
the crocodiles,
and its door forever open. – stephen dunn



winter poem

once a snowflake fell
on my brow and i loved
it so much i kissed
it and it was happy and called its cousins
and brothers and a web
of snow engulfed me then
i reached to love them all
and i squeezed them and they became
a spring rain and i stood perfectly
still and was a flower. – nikki giovanni



i stop writing the poem

to fold the clothes. no matter who lives
or who dies, i’m still a woman.
i’ll always have plenty to do.
i bring the arms of his shirt
together. nothing can stop
our tenderness. i’ll get back
to the poem. i’ll get back to being
a woman. but for now
there’s a shirt, a giant shirt
in my hands, and somewhere a small girl
standing next to her mother
watching to see how it’s done. – tess gallagher



from - i am vertical

but i would rather be horizontal.
i am not a tree with my root in the soil
sucking up minerals and motherly love
so that each March i may gleam into leaf,
nor am i the beauty of a garden bed
attracting my share of ahs and spectacularly painted,
unknowing i must soon unpetal.
compared with me, a tree is immortal
and a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
and i want the one’s longevity and the other’s daring. – sylvia plath



from - the inferno, canto I

in the middle of the journey of our life
i found myself astray in a dark wood
where the straight road had been lost sight of. – dante alighieri



aspects of eve

to have been one
of many ribs
and to be chosen.
to grow into something
quite different
knocking finally
as a bone knocks
on the closed gates of the garden –
which unexpectedly
open. – linda pastan



delta

if you have taken this rubble for my past
raking through it for fragments you could sell
know that i long ago moved on
deeper into the heart of the matter

if you think you can grasp me, think again:
my story flows in more than one direction
a delta springing from the riverbed
with its five fingers spread - adrienne rich



let there be flowering

in the fields let the fields
turn mellow for the men
let the men keep tender
through the time let the time
be wrested from the war
let the war be won
let love be
at the end - lucille clifton

that sounds good

could this winter drag on a little more?! the dreary days of grey mixed with wet snow, or rain, or sleet. blah. i'm dreaming of walking a sandy beach, shoes off, jeans rolled up, the water of the ocean surfing to just above my ankles. and sun. so bright it hurts to take off my sunglasses and my skin feels warm and the air smells of salt and the only sounds i hear are the waves crashing next to me. yeah, that sounds good.


theme music for my daydream: jack johnson - any song, any album