all i want for christmas...

dear santa (aka…mom),

you asked me what i wanted for christmas, what i might need. you told me my brother was getting a combined christmas and birthday gift – lasik surgery and ultimately permanent relief from wearing glasses for the past 12 years. hmmm, my vision has never had any trouble – the occasional eye exhaustion from too much reading or too much time in front of the computer, but otherwise it’s always been 20/20 in the end. well gee, let me think, i could really use a new furnace - one that also has central air. you know, since we cut down the three trees that offered the most shade for the house in the summer…yeah, a new furnace, that’d be sweet.

but instead, i told the normal litany of predictably fantastic things that only you get for me; that ginger soufflé lotion that you and i both love and i never buy for myself, the cute socks that only you can pick out, adorable flannel pj bottoms, always need the underwear (which by the way you forgot last year, and let me tell you it didn’t go unnoticed as the need for new drawers became more and more evident as the year has gone on!), and to see you and have you hug me and kiss me the way only a mom knows how to do. “i miss you”, i said, “and i just want to see you, that’s what i want for christmas.” you didn’t see the tears i was choking back, that were welling in my eyes as you gave a little laugh in reply, “of course, i miss you too.”

what i meant to say was this: i want you to drop by my place some time soon and pick me up, then we can stop in pennsylvania and pick up your sister and her new daughter-in-law, then we can swing by minnesota and pick up my cousin mandy for a little female bonding. i want us all to go to some ridiculously overpriced spa in the desert somewhere. i want to do silly girly things like have a facial, get a pedicure, have a massage or two or three and maybe take a mud bath. i want to sit outside next to the pool on oversized lounge chairs in white terry cloth bathrobes with our freshly colored and styled hair tucked into cozy white terry cloth towels sipping fruity alcohol beverages (preferably margaritas) with little bright colored umbrellas in them while oversized navy blue and white striped umbrellas shade our delicate porcelain skin from the sun. i want to sit around and tell silly stupid girly stories and laugh and giggle, a lot. i want time, time to get to know you again and to feel like you want to know me too. i want your hugs and your kisses. i want to feel connected to the only woman i’ve ever been literally connected to, even if it was only for nine months. i want you to tell me you love me and not feel like there are conditions or judgements attached to that love. all i want for christmas mom, is a little more of you.

love,
lyza jane

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