disconnection

strangely, insane
ramblings
disjointed thoughts
of nothing that
means anything
to you
or me
or them.

chaotic minds
that run together
and collide inside
yours truly
me.

yesterday's news

i've been crying in my head all day. screaming tears that haven't stopped since noon time. there have been no real tears that these eyes have shed today. i think sometimes that there must be something wrong with my tear ducts, i don't cry much anymore. then i remember, it's only the meds. not too high, not too low; no shrieking laughter, no true tears of sorrow.

here i am in this place in my head again - it's always the same; false person, false voice, false truth, false words, false smiles, false me. i'm beginning to believe that there really is no such thing as me, never has been, never was - yes i breath the air, drink the water, eat the food - but when i look in the mirror at night; when i'm pulling my hair up, ready to wash the day from my face; i don't recognize the face, the smile, the icy blue eyes looking back. she tells lies to get thru the day, to manage from hour to hour. she tells lies to simply exist. well that's something, isn't it? existing i mean. it's a start anyway, right? and every morning that i wake up and still exist, every morning that i still breath - there is hope that one day i will open my eyes and have the courage to live…

right?