same story different day

it's another beautiful day. the sun is out and it is bright as hell outside. alone at last. audrey finally asleep. catfish gone to the store. another stolen moment as i have recently begun to calls these in my mind.

i just reread journals that i've had in my bedside drawer since before i was married, before i knew catfish. i hope to always do that...keep them in my bedside table to read again later. there is wisdom in knowing where you come from. there were many reoccuring themes. some still playing out in my life today. there was also writing of when i first met catfish. how i felt when i first fell in love, how i felt the first time i felt alone in our relationship. in these ten years, always with the ups and downs...mostly i tend to write with the downs...but they all led to this place that i am today. same story different day.

as i do, as i have always done, i find poems that feel right in the moment. there they are in my journals, reflecting life at that time. some tell their stories with pictures, some with painting, some with music...some with words that other people write. i found one that i love, one that feels like today.

even as i hold you
i think of you as someone gone
far, far away. your eyes the color
of pennies in a bowl of honey
bringing sweet light to someone else.
your black hair slipping through my fingers
is the flash of your head going
around a corner.
your smile, breaking before me,
the flippant last turn
of a revolving door,
emptying you out, changed,
away from me.

even as i hold you,
i am letting go.

-alice walker